Thursday, May 30, 2013



It's tough to say it, but it's true.  When you have kids, you have to be willing to make sacrifices in order to give them a good life.  If you are a party animal, you have to give that up to be able to feed your children for each meal and to give the love and nurturing that they need to grow healthy and strong.  Some sacrifices might cut into your work or school life.  If you child gets sick, you have to miss work or class just to get them better.  I live with my boyfriend, who is not the father of my child, but he treats my son as if he were his own.   I am forever grateful to have such a caring and loving guy in my home.  He is there to help and support me and my son in any way that he can, but when it comes to medical and legal things with my son, I feel like a single parent.  It's my responsibility to miss work or school when my son is sick.  It's my time that gets affected when it comes to working around my son's school and sports.  If my boyfriend could help with all that, he definitely could, but as the sole parent, I take on all responsibilities and all the sacrifices that come with parenting.  

Planning events around a child is difficult enough when the child is misbehaving, sick, or any other circumstances that might affect attending an event.  To me, there is usually a chance of running late because my son wants to bring something, or something was forgotten so we have to turn the vehicle back around.  When someone is late for an event, and they have their children with them, most times the tardiness is excusable.  If you have a child, you know exactly what I'm talking about.  Some parent are able to get their children out of their house on time.  When I am able to do that, it's because we get ready really early.  

Work.  When can I work?  I schedule my work availability around my son's hectic schedule.  Between school, doctor appointments, and now, karate, my life MUST revolve around my son.  I want to be there to bring him to school and to pick him up to help him with homework.  I used to work evenings, but later realized that my son hardly saw me.  He was acting out in school and was more angry.  The inconsistency in communication with his father also contributed to the bad behavior.  I noticed when I left my evenings to be with my son, things definitely changed.  I realized that although I was not able to work as much, the time spent with my son was more valuable.  If only Bry's father would realize that.  Although I moved away from NH, the time that Bry spent with his father was very little.  It's sad to say that his father was selfish and ignorant, and to this day, I still believe that he has not changed at all since he currently has 3 kids with 3 different girls.  One girl is currently revoking his parental rights, and he is not with any of the mothers to my knowledge.  The last time he wrote a letter to Bryant was actually in January.  Sadly, Bryant has been doing a lot better since then.  When Bry hasn't heard from him in a while, he thinks his dad is in jail.  How sad is it that your own child thinks that the reason why you are not contacting him is because you are in jail?  It saddens me but you can only do so much to make a parent show their love to their children.

I am so glad that I made so many sacrifices.  I remember giving up a full-time human resources manager position to be a part-time bakery clerk just to be able to give my son more parent-child bonding time.  I do not regret that move.  I learned baking skills from it and I make my son's birthday cake every year because of my baking skills.  Sometimes, I think that I sacrificed some things by moving my son to Hawaii, but it was worth the fight.  The courthouse allowed me to move because I chose to go back to school to give my son a better life.  They saw that I was the better parent.  I know some people don't believe in choosing who is the better parent, but in my case, the better parent is the one that actually supports the child financially and emotionally, and I did both wholeheartedly.  When we lived in NH, his father lied so much about where he was and was so inconsistent with child support.  I still remember when he stole money out of his own son's piggy bank just to buy cigarettes or alcohol.  I will never understand those selfish actions.  

Another sacrifice that I've made is sleep.  I think most parents will agree to that!  With work AND school, like I said before, I work my schedule around my son's schedule.  So, when do I have time for schoolwork? When he's sleeping, of course!  As tough as that sounds, I can't do any schoolwork or studying until my son is in bed.  Yes, that means late nights and cramming til possibly 4 am.  It's all worth it because I believe that I am doing it all for him.  I want that degree in my hand.  I want to set a good example.  If I have to be the better parent, the better role model, and the better supporter, I must first be a better person.  Thankfully, I've gotten good grades to make up for those sleepless nights.  Coffee has become my friend when sleep is not an option.  

After all those sacrifices, I am grateful of the outcome.  My son is very smart, caring, and creative.  I support him as much as I can.  I am his biggest fan.  I hope that when he grows up, he will understand and appreciate all the sacrifices that I made just to give him the best life possible.

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